Ahoax by definition has no substance, built as it is on a foundation of lies and fabrication. In the scriptures, Srila Prabhupada explains that the bona fide guru is: a) self-effulgent; b) authorised by his predecessor spiritual master; c) situated on the highest platform of God-realisation; d) not elected; e) not subject to approval or restriction by a management committee. The GBC (Governing Body Commission), however, has created an artifical guru system to replace Srila Prabhupada, and invented different types of guru not mentioned in scripture. We highlight two of these bizarre guru varieties below.